Warning: Undefined variable $image_id in /home/customer/www/feelgoodschoolmom.com/public_html/wp-content/plugins/oxygen/component-framework/components/classes/code-block.class.php(133) : eval()'d code on line 9
The new way to self care
I love self care – the idea of spending time alone meditating, listening to calm music and smelling soft soothing aromas from candles – but I don't have time!
It’s just that I seem to spend so much time in the kitchen, the car and everything in between that the idea of adding self care into my routine seems to be another thing to have to do…but I know that I have to take care of myself because I deserve it, I want to be alive, healthy and enjoy my precious self so that I can enjoy and take care of my precious family.
Taking care of others, especially our school kids, is something we all do, but self care is essential for us to function well and be well in this world.
I have learnt that I have been thinking about self care in a way that was not working for me at all - it always felt like something extra that I had to do or squeeze in - as a 'self care activity.'
We need self care, but we want it to feel that it is such a part of our lives that it feels normal, easy, fun and not seen as another thing to have to do - but how? Here is the answer...
1. New definition of self care - it's all about the lifestyle
It is time to re-frame what it actually means to take self care.
Self care is bigger than adding self care into your existing routine which is what I thought I needed to do which made me feel more squeezed and stressed out to have to add a yoga class or some meditation time - which I did neither!
Self care starts with your thinking - the action of self care comes much later. The thinking until now is that self care is mainly about the yoga or the bath with rose petals. It has been a narrow definition that feels like more work by trying to pull off your own self-managed and self-organised personal spa resort complete with an essential oil filled bath with soft glowing candles - no wonder we feel more stressed than not! It is simply unrealistic. Doing a mini spa is one way to take care of yourself but that has been the main photo image that we think of until now.....I have expanded the definition which takes the pressure off and the bath photo can be for when the school kids are older!
The new definition is that self care is about living a lifestyle that you like.
This is big. It is wonderful and it is a game changer. I have changed my view of what self care is – and swapped it from a 'to-do' list activity to the realization that self care is a nourished feeling that I get from my life, not only an action.
Self care is the feeling of being nourished in your life, where you choose life activities that are a blended part of yourself and your life with others, that help you live in balance, without the sense of ultimatum of this or that, and having to squeeze yourself into your own life.
Self care is about living a lifestyle you like – it is not an added-on activity for school moms. This is about living a life in a way that includes you in your life which then automatically supports the care of yourself. It is part of the essential way of living your life. You are an essential part of your life.
For me self care takes different forms – it includes:
- The time spent together
- The one-on-one with my school kid and with school dad
- The time we spend together as a family chilling out on the sofa after dinner
- It is the laughs
- The physical energy of sitting calmly together
- Enjoying the space of wherever we are together
- Finding the fun in being alive and
- Staring into the froth of my cappuccino.
This is my self care that keeps me nourished, that keeps me glued together as a person and keeps our family glued.
This new way of thinking about self care is where we can swap 'doing a self care action' for 'being' and the funniest part is that often a stand out self moment may only be for a short time maybe ten minutes messing around with your school kid, but the positive energy and memory lasts a life time.
2. Enjoy self care of your self – 8 questions to help you to 'be in your-self'
These are the thoughts you have, the ones that nourish you, that keep you still and thankful, and keep you moving forward. This is the part of your lifestyle where your thoughts are about realizing how valuable and important you are as a person, as a woman, as a school mom mum, and nourish who you are.
To do this you need time that will help make this happen.
My thinking helps me to support actions that nourish myself. For this to happen I need to know what is important to me, how do I really want to live my life as me and with my family. Asking the following questions allows the answers to come, usually the answers come randomly but they do come. You can make this journey as deep or as short as you choose.
What is important to you?
What top 5 things do you really value?
How do you really want to live your life for you and with your family?
Is there a gap between how you live and what you want?
Are there any blocks in your life and repetitive patterns that are trying to teach you something?
What are you expecting to happen and what is actually happening?
How do you see your family growing? How do you see you growing?
If there was one thing you could change in an instant what would it be? What would be the next thing you would want to change and the next thing?
3. Time for self care action
When you know what is important to you, it makes it so much easier to live your lifestyle as you want because it makes it easier to know what to say yes or no to.
This is when you realize that you have choices about how to live your lifestyle in a way that honors your life and everything that is important to you so that self care happens through the lifestyle choices that you makes. For me one of my top values is my health so knowing that means I know that I need to move my body or it means that I need to rest.
Your lifestyle is yours – your life is yours - some of us sleep late, or rise early, some rest during the week some during the weekend, we have different values, different priorities and we all have different ideas which is how it is supposed to be – we are all meant to lead different lives which is what makes life so interesting.
4. Match your self care to your school kids' ages
We need different types of self care that matches the different stages of our school kids – sometimes we just need to be alone and stare into the froth of a cappuccino, eat well to stay well, sometimes we need to talk to someone – sometimes we just need to walk.
I laugh when I see words written about self care with a photo of a beautiful bath surrounded by softly glowing candles and dimmed lights - hello seriously that is not going to happen at 6pm in our place!
So the reality of self care that I have discovered is that I need to live a lifestyle that supports my self and my family. I call it “living the lifestyle” where self care is not an add on – it is an essential part of my lifestyle and with that view I feel it’s easy, it's fun and something I look forward to and so does everyone else in the family! The question is do I want to be stressed out, exhausted overwhelmed, feeling less than, guilty, and not enough as I work myself into a frazzled frenzy of daily overload and overschedule, how much fun is that for me and everyone else, at which point is it going to change so that I can get to enjoy this precious life.
I have and enjoy my precious self and my family and it only changed for me when I made a decision to change it. It is such a relief to know it is as simple and easy as that – and it is. Link to life you want and life you have course.
And this is why I write this because from my heart I learnt it the longer harder way when I got sick – even before I had a family! I thought I had changed my thinking – especially after I wrote a book about it – but I was so shocked to see how I forgot myself again as I lost myself in the feeling of not being a good enough school mom – why – because I didn’t know what lunchbox and water bottle and what to do, when everyone else around me seemed to be breezing through everything – but now I know not everyone is!
You are here to have a good time being a school mom and that it is a time filled with delight – sure there are stressful times which makes for a rich life – but now you have a choice to live a lifestyle that suits you where self care is realising that you can do things that give you joy, nourish you and your soul which can be shared with your family and shared alone with yourself.
Enjoy living your life in your style.
