Stress less & leave out the self-doubt

I was so surprised by myself. Here I was thinking that I had achieved lots of good things being a university graduate, qualified life coach, author, presenter and now I had the seemingly simple task of dropping my school kid at school and picking her up. How hard could that be - so hard that I was floundering at being a school mum - and have spent years trying to achieve this!

The not knowing what to do was overwhelming – with lunchboxes, how to get to school on time, what do you even wear to drop off, and so many unwritten rules that I seemed to be constantly tripping over.

I see now how easy it was for me, in my significantly sleep-deprived state, combined with heart break at leaving my daughter crying at classroom drop off, and not even realising that being a school mum was even a ‘thing’, that I wondered ‘how do I do this?’ Day after day I watched what other school mums did, especially the ones that had already done this – this was their second child so they knew the ropes.

The Seed of Self-doubt

But in observing other school mums, I look back and see how I almost did away with myself in the process. I really felt that I knew nothing. And there the seed of self- doubt was planted.

I look back in disbelief that I did that! I forgot to trust myself. I did have an instinct that it would get better, that I did have options. I just forgot to trust myself.

I forgot to think that I was doing a fantastic job and SO VERY WHAT that I didn’t know which lunch box. I would find one eventually. I was thinking that I am not doing enough, I am doing it ‘the right way, and ‘what on earth is the right way?’

These are the dangerous thoughts of not trusting yourself, and not thinking that you are enough as you are – just because you don’t know about a lunchbox. It just felt so overwhelming – it was the combination of so many emotions, and the lunchbox was the final straw of stress that pressed the self-doubt button.

All the earlier years I had spent building and rebuilding my self-belief – believing in myself that I could do anything, that I could get better after being ill in bed for a year, that I could have a baby – started to corrode. I didn’t know it though.

The ‘Compare and Despair’ Thinking

It was slow, it was quiet. The ‘compare and despair’ thinking was slowly but surely corroding my strong belief in myself about all the great things about myself. It was exactly like a finding a pipe under the sink that has been slowly corroding for years only you didn’t realise it until the pipe suddenly bursts, but when you look closer you see how it must have started with a tiny little drip and over time the drip became more frequent, the constant dripping began to eat away at the pipe and it began to corrode.

That’s exactly what was happening to me.

I didn’t know how to manage the morning rush hour and get my child dressed,

I didn’t know how to fill a lunchbox so that you had food in the fridge when you opened it at 7am,

I didn’t know how to do her hair and get rid of knots,

I didn’t know how much my heart would break when I left her crying at the classroom drop off,

I didn’t know that I would feel judged by other school mums,

I didn’t know that I would judge others without realising it,

I didn’t know that school mums could actually gather in groups and exclude others,

I could not believe how corroded I was when I realised it. The only challenge was, that it took me a few years to realise it, which is another reason why I write here at Feel Good School Mom – to save you years of potentially corroding your sense of believing in yourself.

My intention is to save you time and for you to enjoy believing in yourself, trusting yourself and celebrating your importance.

How I Started to Stress Less

My turning point was the result of a few mini turning points. It wasn’t until the start of my daughter’s Year 1 class that the teacher assistant was very attentive and listened to my worry about the crying every day at drop off.

With the knowledge and wisdom that comes from looking after lots of school kids combined with a big heart, she told me so confidently, calmly and casually ‘Don’t worry, I have seen it lots of times before and it will get better I promise you’ and in that moment my heart I started to heal.

There was hope and all it took was one sentence - but it was really more than one sentence. It was said to me in the spirit of genuine care and completely judgment free – ahhh that felt so good.

And then towards the end of the year I realised that my daughter had completely stopped crying - in fact she hadn’t cried once and I realised that eventually it does get better.

4 Things I Needed to Do to Stress Less

It was at the school concert, and my daughter was so happy and I realised 4 things I needed to do to stress less -

As my daughter’s tears stopped, mine stopped too. I looked back and started to wish that I had not stressed out so much, and saw that I had stopped trusting myself and that in fact I didn’t know what to do – but I had options.

My heart broke so many times that made me feel so powerless to help her as I left her screaming in the arms of the teacher. This crushing feeling made me feel so defeated as a school mum. It was all to do with my expectations.

Sure, there were things I didn’t know like lunchboxes, and after I figured those out, then it was something else – like building a cardboard village - but that was no reason to stop trusting myself and think that I wasn’t doing enough as a school mum, just because I didn’t know so many things.

It was so sneaky because once that seed takes hold it just grows without you even realising it, until one day, usually after you have had some sleep, that you realise that you do know lots of things.

What was Blocking My Joy?

The stress of not knowing, no sleep, forgetting to trust myself, forgetting that not knowing is totally ok, not understanding what it was to be a school mum and having unrealistic expectations which I didn’t realise, kept me stressed, which acted as the biggest block to being in the joy of the day.

I thought I can’t turn the clock back, but I can try to help the school mum path easier for other school mums and so Feel Good School Mom was born.

5 Things for You to Know to Feel Good Right Now

I am here to help remind you that:

I have since deleted my own self-doubt button and replaced it with the self-activating self-loving ‘I am amazing, I am doing an amazing job, and I have an amazing daughter’ button.

I have discovered so many wonderful ways to help rebuild myself as a school mum, which is another reason for sharing my stories. Feel Good School Mom is a helping hand if you need it, and a place to share hope and the real expectation that things always get better.

By talking about all of these topics, my hope is to help all school mums to travel a school-run road that is filled with glowing skin, good hair days, less anxiety, more fun, more joy, less stress, more relax, blissful moments, naps of rest, to have real life expectations of what you can expect being a school mum, to know that we are all different, unique and special as a school mum which makes each of us an individual and that we share the same desire to want the best for our kids.

My hope is that we can co-exist as individuals and be ‘awesome individuals together,’ and to get rid of the judgment and not be in a state of school mum cliques where school mums seek the sanctuary of their phones or sitting in their cars to avoid other school mums, but to realise that we are all doing our best and sometimes that school mums may need a bit of help from each other, and to share the incredible ‘school mom strength.’